The real Hunger Games in LA

Monthly archives for February, 2012

Are you there Kyle? It’s me, Niki

Feb28
2012 Leave a Comment Written by fivepennies


I just realized something today.

I’m lost…

I am so lost that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I forgot who I am, or more like who I’ve always been.

Who am I?

Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve always been in love with someone or something.

But who am I without LOVE in my life…

I know I have to let him go. It’s been at least five years now.

But I just can’t do it.

Every time I let him go, I feel empty inside–like he takes a piece of my heart with him every time he goes.

When he comes back again, I feel whole.

It probably doesn’t help that I started watching Ghost Whisperer recently and a string of similar shows involving the living dead.

I know it’s just my imagination or my mind playing tricks on me, but sometimes I feel like he’s really with me, like I can feel his spirit even if it’s in the other room.

And I know this is going to sound totally crazy, but I still talk to him too. I do it mostly because I believe that somewhere, somehow, the dead can still hear us. I’m sure it’s nice for them to know that we still think of them from time to time.

One thing I always ask him is what it is like being dead. Where do atheists go when they die?

Of course, I never get an answer because he’s not really there, and he doesn’t exist anymore, but I’ll keep asking anyway, just in case he wants to visit me in my dreams one night and share with me stories of the afterlife.

I also always tell him that I won’t give my heart away to anyone else, unless he approves of the new recipient of my heart. I even ask him for signs to let me know what he thinks of someone I really like.

Sometimes I actually gets the signs I ask for, but I realize that it’s probably just a coincidence.

But everything is an odd coincidence these days, especially my run in with Neil Strauss, who happens to be by far my favorite writer and someone I greatly admire and respect for his professional achievements.

My chance meeting with my professional idol was by no chance at all though. It was a sign from my higher power to eliminate all self-doubt and to just keep pushing forward.

Neil Strauss might have well just said to me: “You’re on the right path” because that is what our chance encounter did for me–I saw HOPE in that shiny bald head of his.

I still feel lost though.

I wear way too many hats on a daily basis.

I’m sure I’ll find myself again in one of them.

Don’t mind me though. I get emo sometimes. The grief–it comes and it goes in waves and phases.

I’ve just learned to embrace the emotions until they come to pass.

They always come to pass and so too shall this feeling and moment in time.

Posted in Dating is a Payne

The perils of student loan debt

Feb15
2012 Leave a Comment Written by fivepennies
student loan debt crisis

Photo by David McNew/Getty Images

 

Is a student loan debt crisis brewing? You better believe it.

According to a recent survey conducted by The National Association of Consumer Bankruptcy Attorneys (NACBA), there has been a significant increase in the number of clients with student loan debt in the past few years. In fact, the number of student loan related case loads has skyrocketed by 50 percent to more than 100 percent. And considering the fact that most student loans do not go away with a bankruptcy, a majority of these bankruptcy attorneys have reported how rare it is for a client be discharged from their debt in light of undue hardship.

This year, I was forced to make a tough decision since my income has recently been reduced by at least 40 percent. I basically had to choose between groceries and student loan debt. I chose the former because if I die or get sick from starvation, then how will I pay back my student loans? I think it’s in the best interest of student loan holders to make sure we stay alive so they can get paid…but what do they care really. They don’t.

I called my Citi student loan provider because I am now 17 days past due. When I got through I said: “Hi. I’m calling because I am past due on my student loan and you guys keep calling me every hour on the hour.”

“Would you like to make a payment?”

I explained to her my situation and how I make 40 percent less than I did before. As great as this woman was with empathy, she asked why I was calling. Gee, they’ve been trying to reach me for 17 days now, so I figured I’d give them a call back to be polite and inform them of my situation, of course.

She asked me if I had any other student loan debt and I told her my whole student loan story: I have a recently consolidated federal loan which I have made a priority in case I go back to school and request financial aid again. I have three private loans that I am unable to consolidate without a cosigner. If I were able to consolidate and only have two student loan payments (one federal, one private) things would be easier, but instead I have all these lump sum payments all due back to back at the end of every month.

Ugh, just writing this all down makes me want to shoot myself (metaphorically speaking, of course).

The customer service rep was really nice and told me that since federal student loans are more lenient than private student loans, I might want to try requesting a forbearance on my federal student loan so I could catch up on my payment with them–a self-serving suggestion, might I add, coming from someone whose job is to collect money from me. I thanked her for her suggestion and got off the phone thinking only one thing:

I need a new plan….I always need a new plan.

 

Posted in Debt is a Payne

How to get your student loan debt discharged

Feb13
2012 Leave a Comment Written by fivepennies

occupy student loan debtNo matter what you may have heard about student loans, getting “forgiveness” is damn near impossible. As I mentioned in my previous post, the student loan debt crisis is the next big economic problem since the mortgage industry pretty much collapsed.

Based on everything I’ve been reading in the news, the only way to truly have your student loan debt forgiven is if you can prove “undue hardship.” But what does that really mean?

I’m experiencing “undue hardship” at the moment, but is it enough? We all know how tricky the government can be at times…

According to this article, there are three criteria a student must meet in order to be considered for student loan forgiveness.

#1. You have to prove that based your current income, you have absolutely no money left after paying for your bare necessities like food and shelter. I can actually prove this considering I don’t even budget for groceries or gas and the such. As I mentioned before, I was forced to make a decision this year: groceries or student loan debt. I chose groceries (and gas for my car).

#2. Here’s the kicker. You have to prove to that your financial situation is never going to improve for the rest of your life. (Hmm… should I start playing up my psychiatric bipolar diagnosis from when I was 20 and going through yet another one of my rough patches in life?? Maybe I can go on disability….I actually know a guy who is on disability for mental health reasons. Maybe I can get a psychiatrist to confirm that I will go crazy and be unable to work if my student loans are not forgiven. Relax, friends, I’m not really a nut case; I’m just trying to think outside the box here).

#3. You have to have made every effort in “good faith” to pay back your student loans. So the minute you decide to default on your student loans, you are no longer acting in good faith. SO…. in good faith, I’ll try to post pone my recently consolidated federal loan and use that money to pay half of my Citi student loan and half of my Wells Fargo student loan. I have another loan too, but the payments are only $60 a month and much more manageable for me. I genuinely want to pay back the money, but unfortunately, I make 40 percent less than I used to make which makes it damn near impossible to pay all my bills while putting food in my belly and keeping gas in my car so I can go to work.

Some pretty touch criteria to meet in my opinion. I’ve tried everything, but I won’t give up. I WILL find a way to resolve this student loan debt problem of mine. Just you wait.

The only real way you’ll have your student loans completely forgiven is with time. After about 20-25 years, that is when the debt will finally be forgiven. So the question is: What do we do in the meanwhile? Everything we can and are able to do.

Posted in Debt is a Payne
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