Do you ever feel like you’re living in your own little apocalypse? Only every year is the apocalypse, and ever year you survive, yet again. After all, it’s 2012 and you’re still reading this. So what’s an apocalypse really, and will we ever see it in our life time?

Everyday, I’m on the verge of a seemingly apocalyptic melt down. But I do well for myself considering how worse off things could really be. If this is what my rock bottom looks like, well, I can only image how much more worse someone else’s rock bottom might look like, especially if the world was ever really taken over by aliens and zombies.

Picture perfect?

I’m in my mid-twenties, and I’m not where I thought I would be in my life. But now that I’m here, I’m kind of glad I’m not where I thought I’d be (which is where everyone else is  headed) because I feel like I’m exactly where I need to be in my life to accomplish my goals and my dreams.

While everyone else around me seems to have given up on lost dreams, I spend every minute of my life keeping my dreams alive in whatever capacity I can. I don’t give up on my dreams; I simply adjust my dreams. And I work with diligent conviction to turn my every dreams into a reality. I may lag, but when I really want something, I go for it and I make it happen. Ask anyone who knows me pretty well.

Life update

Last year, I was working two jobs and freelancing on the side. I was working about 30 hours a week for a small web company, about 6-12 hours a week as a waitress and about 10-15 hours a week building my freelance career. I was working at least 50 hours a week, and I already think 40 hours a week are too much. Forty hours a week wouldn’t be so bad if you could include your commute time as work time.

This year, upon Einstein’s definition of insanity, I decided to do something different. Had I continued that lifestyle for another year, I would have driven myself insane. So I quit the waitressing job (which I relied on for the easy money) to challenge myself professionally so I can live the life I want to live, working 30-40 hours a week from any coffee shop in the world with an Wi-Fi connection–THAT’s MY DREAM.

I’m still working about 30 hours a week for the web company, but now I am devoting 10-12 hours a week toward building my freelance business. It’s scary considering my income is down by about $1000 and my one loyal client is only bringing me about a fifth of that, but at least I am focusing on my talents and doing something I actually enjoy and provides me with intellectual stimulation at the very least.

I make decent money and I’ve certainly learned to live within my means, but I would live a much more comfortable life if it weren’t for the $800 a month I have to pay to about four different student loan lenders. I was recently accepted into the government’s Direct Loan Consolidation Program which combined two of my student loans for a little over $37K. I still have three additional private loans that total just about $62K. My monthly bills, including my student loan payments, total just about $2000 per month. This does not include food, softball, clothes, personal care items, office supplies or miscellaneous everyday living expenses.

The value of education

This month, I would have gone hungry if it weren’t for a tough decision I had to make between putting food on the table or preserving my credit score. This month, I decided to skip a $225 student loan payment in exchange for gas and groceries. The collection calls are already starting to roll in. It’s a good thing I gave all my lenders my Google Voice number as my home number… I just came off a 2-month forbearance for two of my lenders so there is no way they will let me do it for me again.

My only option at this point for deferring my student loans is to go back to school. But that’s only a temporary fix. Will investing in higher education really yield higher income opportunities down the road? Hmm, the last time I tried this deferment tactic was in 2010 when I got a degree in consumer psychology. I just ended up $10K more in the hole. Even so, it’s my last resort, so I decided to apply to grad school. I picked a school where my chances of getting in are 50/50 pending GRE results. If I get in, I’ll take that as a sign from the mythical gods that  I still have a chance at surviving a financial apocalypse. If not, I’ll take that as a sign that I am meant for something greater. Not bigger, just greater.

Thought for the Day:
What are some of your dreams, and what are you doing to keep them alive in your heart?